I was trying to write a serious post about my family this morning, but I don’t know if I’m ready to go into my relationship with my parents. On the surface everything’s awesome, but even though I was a very lucky kid it’s hard for me to delve into my past. Ugh.
So I decided to write about something a bit more lighthearted… kind of. I have rapid cycling bipolar and every single day at sunset I would sink into the typical bipolar depression. The worst part of the depression was that I knew that in the morning I’d feel better but I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life. My now-fiance would be on the phone with me every night trying to cheer me up and keep my mind occupied, but there were many many nights that he wasn’t successful. Nothing that he could say or do would be able to lighten my spirits or take the heavy depression away from me and we both knew it.
I did discover that after a certain point in my depressive state, however, comedy movies or TV shows would be able to lull me into a kind of stupid state where I could ignore my depression. I’d have to be incredibly tired and feeling empty-depression rather than heavy-depression (if you know what I mean). The depression wouldn’t go away, but I’d be able to focus only on the thing that was supposed to be making me laugh rather than the lies bipolar disorder was whispering in my ear. It would make the time go by a bit faster until I was finally able to go to sleep. I wasn’t laughing or amused really, but I was distracted enough to not try anything drastic.
I don’t think that comedy helped by making me laugh, because it didn’t. It helped because shows like Jackass and Reno 911 provide such a contrast from what I was feeling, where nothing is really serious or has consequences. It’s escapism at its finest.
Most people without bipolar would think that it’s obvious that humor and comedy would help someone who is depressed, but they don’t understand that chemical depression robs someone of their ability to feel amusement. Something as simple as laughing becomes almost impossible. I’m grateful that I was able to find a bit of relief because I know that plenty of other people with bipolar don’t.
Do any of you guys have tips or tricks to handle depression? Is there anything that can help pull you away from it, even if for only a short time?
-Ashes
(please excuse my rambling sentences and unfinished thoughts.)
Ashes From a Supernova 